Exactly a year ago, the life of the 32-year-old Inverness dad of four changed in a couple of seconds.

Suddenly, he couldn’t speak.

Leonard explains what happened with the help of his constant companion, his Lightwriter – a keyboard he can type words into and a computer voice speaks them out loud.

Last January on Friday the 13th – “lucky for some!”, Leonard writes – he suddenly found words failing him.

Talking on the phone to his mum in Florida, Leonard discovered in the middle of the conversation that he wasn’t able to get any more words out.

He could only make a noise – the same noise – again and again.

Distressed, he started to cry, then laugh, then he tried again to speak and made the same noise, finally managing to shout ‘Help!’ to his mum.

She was upset by what she was hearing, and told Leonard to phone the hospital.

But after a week-long stay in Raigmore Hospital for tests, Leonard was told he might be helped at hospital in Aberdeen. By the end of his time there, he could say some words, but three at a time was a struggle and they weren’t the ones he was trying to say in his head.

The hospital was by then suggesting he had had a small stroke, but there was no evidence of stroke damage.

He was sent back to Raigmore Hospital for speech therapy and tests at an Edinburgh hospital are still ongoing.

Leonard has aphasia which means he can’t communicate verbally.

But because of his ability to read and understand the spoken word, he is thought to have verbal apraxia – that means a difficulty planning the movements necessary for speech.

As well as his speech being affected, Leonard’s balance is a little shaky and he has had to change to using his left hand, as the fingers of his right hand started to curl into his palm and he now wears a splint to try to straighten them out and away from his palm.

“There is a good gap now,” Leonard writes.

With aphasia, someone can lose the ability to use language. Some people also have problems with reading and writing and can find it hard to understand what people are saying, though their hearing and thoughts aren’t affected.

The most common cause of aphasia is stroke, but blows to the head, other brain injuries, tumour, and other sources of brain damage can also cause aphasia.

Leonard’s story doesn’t tie in with that, but he is hoping tests will come up with a full answer.

But everyday things – going to the local shop, talking to people on the phone, greeting people on the street, are anything but easy.

Yet though Leonard can’t speak, he has come a long way.

He can now communicate using his speech device called a Lightwriter. Leonard, who was working as a computer network engineer before he stopped being able to speak, used special software to put pre-set messages on his mobile phone and to give him a “voice” for phone calls to help people understand.

He’s learning British Sign Language which he can use to talk to his own four children.

“They all can finger spell now in BSL – they have learned a new skill!” he writes.

And having found a lot of help and support from the Aphasia Now website (www.aphasianow.org), he also now regularly contributes to the site forum, writing about his experience and offering advice to others.

Luckily, he has no problems with understanding people, he can still read and he knows the words he wants to say, he just can’t speak them. With his left hand, Leonard has become very quick at typing out his thoughts and words on his keyboard. But until he got the speech device, back last March, communicating was very difficult.

“They know me in local shops now. At first, some would read the Llightwriter and then expect me to say what was on the screen. I am often mistaken as deaf.”

Did people get angry with him because they didn’t understand?

Leonard answers through his computer’s American voice: “Not now, unless I’m on the phone, they can be impatient. I try to prewrite sentences, things like ‘Please be patient as I have to use a computer to talk.’.”

Leonard Bowden (32) who can’t speak uses a speech device to communicate. Pic: Ewen Weatherspoon 01463 792824

On the Aphasia Now forum, Leonard wrote about the day he first attempted to go to the pub. He had just used his computer knowledge to use speech software and turn his messages into MP3 format and put them onto this mobile phone.

“Using the software I began to type some simple messages, for example, I’m sorry I have aphasia a communication difficulty. Other sentences like ‘Please only ask me one question at a time, use questions that I can answer with yes/ no answers’

“Absolute break through, the phone only has a few messages on it at the moment that did not stop me going on a small adventure to the PUB!! The phone was a great success, I had a very good time down the pub … the conversation was fun, relaxed free flowing…”

But deciding to go to the shop afterwards, was less straightforward: “I hit the shop on a high, in I go. I look around knowing what you ask for, I can’t find it, I have the message on my phone, the one explain about my communication difficulty, I look for a friendly face, I play the message. Then the kick in the face, the mother of all insults, ok she say, I’ll help you, come with me (smile on my face, great it works).

“‘Drink,’ she says heads towards the drinks cabinet … no no no no wait wait… I stop, I can’t think of any other word to say so I stop. I just stand there like a complete idiot, looking at her almost in tears, the smell of alcohol must have made her assume I wanted a drink. I really was quite upset at this point, when she realised it was not drink I was after, maybe there was hope … My big head with my voice-enabled phone was shattered into a thousand pieces in a mere second. Then when I gathered the courage to speak again I managed to say ‘Deeza, deeza, deeza’, with my hands make a circumference-like motion above the freezers, pointing into the freezers looking quite bewildered, as if to say where are they ‘Deeza, deeza’, all attempts at speaking had been punched, kicked, stabbed because of the smell of alcohol. A man overheard my futile attempt at speaking then said to the girl ‘Pizza!’. ‘Yes, yes, yes’, I shouted, again almost crying this time with joy someone understood me…”

On the aphasia website forum, where he can talk about his situation with other aphasic people, Leonard describes how frustrating trying to make himself understood can be. There can also be almost comedy moments and Leonard has a dry sense of humour: “When speech thing happened funny things I remember. Washing my hands, I kept drying them first before using the water. Seem to have solved this problem.

“Hurt myself on the train on the way home from the hospital. I shouted ‘Sheep!’ instead of ‘Ouch!’. Bear in mind I’m on Aberdeen train. People from that area find that funny maybe.”

Aphasia has also changed Leonard’s life in other ways.

He finds concentrating tires him out.

Noises that wouldn’t have bothered him in the past, now do: “My ability to hear has increased. Noise bothers me. Hear tap dripping sooner than someone talking.”

When it is so difficult to communicate, Leonard agrees the temptation not to go out or to put yourself in difficult situations is tempting.

“Have avoided situations. However, I’m still very social.”

Being able to go to the pub was a big breakthrough for Leonard. And he is proud of continuing to be involved in teaching army cadets in Inverness.

“I do everything apart from drill,” Leonard writes. Being unable to speak doesn’t make it as difficult for Leonard as you might think.

“They have great respect for me. They listen easier to me and I am still attending weekend camps, I did that before.”

Back in July, he wrote: “I just returned from 2 week army camp, volunteer for army cadet force, a camp in York. 700+ kids, over 100 adult instructors, a very daunting decision to attend camp. Bite the bullet so to speak. Eye opener to see people’s perception on a speech defect has lifted my self confidence to new levels. Only 1% people should learn to think before they speak! 99% people make my life a pleasure! Many new friends, many new experiences. I met one adult instructor that signs due to her brother being deaf. A breath of fresh air to communicate with some one in such a manner, without the aid of my Lightwriter.”

Leonard feels he has learned many new skills since aphasia arrived: “Though to have my old life back would be better. I don’t think you would ever fully accept. However, I now make the best of situations.

He has new ambitions – and hopes: “I never wrote prior to this. Now I enjoy writing, although my spelling is bad. Continue learning British Sign Language. Perhaps gain the use of my right hand.”

What is aphasia?

APHASIA or dysphasia is the medical term for loss of language either partial or total loss of the ability to communicate verbally, or using written words.

An “aphasic” may have difficulty speaking, writing, reading, recognising the names of objects, or understanding what people say.

Stroke is the most common cause of aphasia in the UK. Around 100,000 people suffer strokes each year, and 20,000 of stroke victims develop some type of aphasia.

About half of the people who show signs of aphasia, experience temporary aphasia and recover completely within a short time.

An estimated 250,000 people in the UK suffer from permanent aphasia.

Aphasic people rarely can reply spontaneously, some speak in syllables, others speak very slowly and some are able to make words only with great effort or they have to search for the appropriate word. Some are fluent but mix up sounds and words.

Aphasic people can say something completely different from what he/she wants to express, or confuse similar words, such as “yes” and “no” or “up” and “down”, or repeat the same word or words over and over and can’t control it.

* For more information go to www.aphasianow.org 

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